Best Jokes

What’s worse than depression & suicide? Easy: LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don’t pretend no onw will notice:) no one ever does:) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can’t we just die:)?

Whats green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger.

When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who’s hanging around.

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat

What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

Why don’t orphans like to get lost??

Because somebody’s going to ask where their parents are.

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate

Guys stop making jokes about orphan’s parents will be told… oh wait

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex… I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Q: How did the explorers get to school? A: They rode the Colum-bus!